So let me start from the beginning. I was married to this man for 3 years, and we had one daughter. He is an alcoholic, could not go one single day without drinking. He used to even hide his bottles of booze from me in cereal boxes, just to try to keep it from me. It was hard not to notice, hard not to smell it, when someone gets that drunk daily, it's more than obvious to many senses. Of course, due to the drinking, he was also physically and verbally abusive. When I told him, he needed to quit drinking or we were divorcing, he wanted to go for marriage counseling. We saw 2 different counselors (one female and then a male), and our pastor, and they all 3 told him that the drinking was the problem and that needed to be worked on first before we discussed the marriage. Of course, he didn't like what #1 (who was female said), so then we went to counselor #2 (male), and then to the pastor. He actually wanted to go see another counselor and I declined, I was done with the drinking. I then started seeking counseling and help at a women's resource center. They helped me "get my ducks in a row". I recorded many, many threats, threats of taking my daughter away from me and threats including those where he threatened to kill me with his shotgun. Finally after a horrific night of abuse, I threatened him back with a restraining order, either I get the restraining order or he moves out. He loved out & left me a lovely letter declaring his love he still had for me. He then moved 30 minutes north of where I was living at the time. We had made a verbal agreement for custody of our daughter at the time. One weekend, he decided that he wasn't going to return her to me and called to tell me so. After contacting an attorney, I had to go find where she was at and call the sheriff's department to have them bring her out of the house and give her back to me. Even after we had official custody papers, he tried doing that once more to me, while she was little (2-3 years old). He tried to stop me from moving back to our hometown, which was 3 hrs away, where we both were originally from. If my father hadn't had a massive heart attack, and been in ICU for 21 or more days, I don't know if I would of ever gotten to move back home. But due to the circumstances, he allowed me to move back home to be with my family, which was needed after my father had come home from the hospital. Even after we had legal custody arrangements, he would constantly cancel weekends that were scheduled with her for many, many years. We would meet 90 min away from where I lived, and my daughter would cry and cry about going up north to be with dad. It got to the point where I wouldn't even tell her when she was going, because a)he might cancel anyways, and b)it brought too much anxiety to her and would affect her at school. Took her for counseling when she was 5, but they couldn't figure out what was causing her anxiety. They just gave us tips on how to help her with it. One day, after a weekend with dad, my daughter came to my mom, and said, "Nana, can I tell you something? Daddy told me not to tell mommy, but we're going to move to Montana without Mommy" I called every resource I possibly could and was told that there was absolutely nothing anyone could do until he left with her! Thankfully, he never tried, but it was just another mind game he played with her. Only she truly knows how many mind games he played with her through all those years! As the last few years went, he was more available as a "dad" when it came to visitations. Of course, he also became the fun parent, since he was the weekend parent and didn't have to do any discipline.
So a few days before Thanksgiving, my daughter and I had a "falling out", in which I took her iphone, ipad, and laptop away from her. On Thanksgiving day, I took her to go spend the weekend by her dad. She was still mad at me. The next day, Black Friday, I received a phone call from "him" saying that she wanted to live with him. I told him that I needed to talk to her because I wanted to hear it from her. All I wanted was for her to be happy and if she truly wanted to live with him, then I would allow it. I should of fought harder for her, but I didn't want to be selfish. Knowing his alcoholism, knowing his violence, I should of known not to allow her to live there. But I didn't want to seem selfish, all I truly wanted was to make her happy. I will regret that decision for the rest of my life....
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